So.
The idea: a series on how to perform cosmetic operations at home.
The concept: “transform-yourself-on-a-budget.”
Prime-time slot. Thirteen parts. Your ideas, please.
Hmmm.
OK.
My first idea - and I’m just riffing here - is like ‘How To Do An Acid Peel With Things You’d Find Under The Sink.’ Tell people which ones work, which ones don’t, dilution quantities, application times. That sort of thing. How does that sound?
I’m thinking Season Premiere. Love it.
Really?
Yeah. It’s a keeper. Next.
How about laser hair removal? Maybe with, like, the laser in a remote control.
Or the laser part of a CD player.
Would those work?
I don’t know.
Something to look into.
Someone. Look into it.
A needle and thread job to pin the ears back?
In.
Mole removal with scissors?
In.
A nose job with a fillet knife?
I think I’ve seen that done somewhere.
Everything’s been done somewhere. There are no new ideas anymore; it’s all in the interpretation. It’s something worth bearing in mind.
Beside, it can’t hurt to show it again.
Good point.
So what are we saying?
Nose job. In.
Question.
Yes?
Are we going to be touching upon genitals?
Hmmm. Tricky one.
We probably don’t want to be too gender-specific. As you know, that’s the quickest way to alienate half the available audience.
Ah, yes. Good thinking.
OK. That’s settled then. Let’s stay away from genitals.
Trouble is, if you don’t want to be gender-specific, you’ll have to think carefully about what you want to do with boobs.
Boobs! Of course!
Yeah, and I was kind of thinking they could be a three-parter. Augmentations, reductions, then a special on nipples. But if you don’t want to be gender-specific...
DAMN IT! Making good TV is so damned tricky!
Sir, I don’t think men wouldn mind looking at boobs for three shows while the women learn.
You reckon?
Fairly sure, sir.
Really? OK, well let’s keep them in at this stage then.
Boobs. In.
Anything else?
Yeah. I don’t know who you’d talk to about this, the producer or the director or someone, but maybe you could get the expert or whoever to do the demonstration and then we could fade the screen to black so that viewers can see their reflections in their TV set and, y’know, do a sort of ‘repeat after me’ thing.
Fade to black? What? No picture?
You could probably still have the expert talking them through it.
With no picture?
It’ll be like radio, but on TV.
OK. I see what you mean.
I like it. It’s a nice angle.
Minimalist.
I’m sorry. Can I stop you there a second? I have to say, I’m a little bit uncomfortable with all this.
Really?
How so?
Just... Well, isn’t it a bit... y’know...
What?
Come on.
We value your opinions.
Well, just a bit... dangerous.
I see what you mean. Like we’d be encouraging people to cut themselves up?
Kind of.
Well, that is sort of the point, but the way I see it is that we’d actually be taking the danger out of amateur surgery. We would be educating people; making it safe. Do you see what I mean? The sad fact of the matter is that as long as there are taboos about cosmetic procedures, then people will ill-advisedly continue to chop themselves up in their houses without the most fundamental understanding of surgical practice Are you happy to let this sort of barbaric behaviour continue? I know I’m certainly not. No, these are important issues which need to be addressed and I solemnly believe that, as television executives, we have a responsibility - nay, a duty - to to ensure the safety of our viewers, as should you all. They are, after all, the reason we are here. Does that help at all?
I guess so.
Good.
So. Any ideas for the host?
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